Was I feeling uncreative because I was depressed? Or was I depressed because I was feeling uncreative?
That's GOT to be a line uttered by a shaggy haired introspective guy in some Nick Hornby novel or accompanying film adaptation. I'm thinking Cusack, pop music, High Fidelity.
I've been pretty health-heavy on the blog here lately, so I was thinking I need to put more effort into home. So far, there's nothing to report. I haven't really worked on anything around the house lately beeause:
a) the ramp-up in order to get everything in ship shape for the Apartment Therapy tour has subsided.
b) I've been maniacally trying to pin down every detail of a wedding that's taking place a year from now (the "logic" being that if I take care of it all now, I won't have to worry about any of it again). The illogical part kicks in when I realized I've instead crammed several months of worry into one small window of day after day obsession. I do not recommend this. Nor do I recommend worrying about a wedding at all. It is a wedding. (But oh, I have worried. I have worried to the point of frenzy.)
c) I've been feeling really depressed.
Or is it the other way around? Clutter begets clutter, whether it be of home, head, or heart. It's excruciatingly frustrating to fully be aware of the fact that doing x, y, or z will make you feel better, but to have your mind convince you that there is absolutely no possible way that you can do x, y, or z, and hell, you may not ever be able to do any of them again because this is how your life is now.
What IS this? Is it chemicals? Hormones? Genetics? Past trauma? Environment? Lack of vitamins or supplements? Too many vitamins or supplements? Anti-depressants that don't work? The wrong anti-depressant? Not working hard enough to pull myself out? Some kind of willful self-destructive streak? Laziness? Moral failure?
I know it's not those last few things. I know it's not. But it's very easy to believe them true.
Anyways, this post was supposed to be all hey dudes, I'm gonna work on some stuff around the house this week and show you what's been going on! So let's pretend that's what I said.
This post is hitting home with me. Six months ago I started a new job and I've felt a sort of depression ever since. I can barely keep on top of my job much less chores around the house or any sort of healthy practice (haven't seen the gym in as many months).
ReplyDeleteI think it's just a rut that we all need to push through although even as I type that I can feel how difficult it is to push through it.
I wish you good luck getting back into the grove of things and making yourself feel comfortable and de-cluttered. If you have any tips once you make it through please share!
Thanks for the good luck, but I'm sorry to hear you're in the trenches as well. Plus you teach, so boy do I ever know what you're going through. (Teaching is the job I recently stepped away from.) Advice/ things that worked well for me (though because I had family stuff I was dealing with too, none of it ever stuck and my bad work habits continued):
ReplyDelete-Don't take a huge bag of work home each night. It will leave you feeling burdened and defeated. Take home one stack of quizzes that are quick to grade, or half a stack of a longer assignment.
-After dismissal, write down two tasks you'd like to complete. Do them. Then get out of there. Even if you worked twenty-four hours a day, there would still be papers go grade and lessons to plan and emails to send. It truly is a never-ending job, so setting boundaries for yourself is so, so important. I could never do that well.
-At home, choose two manageable home tasks to complete as soon as you get there. I say manageable, because my list would always have things like "clean bathroom" and "finish decorating living room," which were daunting and so of course I avoided doing anything entirely! Try "clear off the coffee table" or "sweep the kitchen floor." Also, getting into a "coming home" routine was also helpful for me: having a designated place for my coat, keys, purse, work bag, etc. Also, sorting through the mail right away and recycling the junk keeps clutter out of your entryway.
-Take the time to eat and eat well every night. Let dinner be a gift you give yourself. Let it be a time to connect with your husband. Let it be a school free zone and a much needed respite.
-Take a walk after dinner. (Or pledge to do it one night a week). Fresh air can do wonders. Double up on this time by walking with a friend or calling a family member to catch up and feel connected to people that love you.
-Commit to 45 minutes to an hour of working on the small school task you brought home. After time's up, put it away, even if you're not done. You'll find another time.
-Try signing up for a weekly exercise class--yoga, pilates, spinning, zumba, barre... Something you think you'd enjoy. Schedule it in each week and go. Make it as important as any other parent or colleague meeting you have scheduled. It is.
Also-- you mention pushing through. Yes, on some level, you do need to push through, but if your entire life consists of pushing through that's a big warning sign to stop and reassess your priorities. I pushed through for three years, and it was really damaging. Make sure you take care of yourself. But yes, you will get through this and June will be here... and by September you'll be a seasoned pro :)